goodbye is the saddest word i gonna hear

feelin like shit so thought typing might help
doctor said anytime anythin might happen to my mum
as much as i wanna be happy spendin my time with her she finds faults in everythin i do. i dont want her to scold or nagg at me why cant she just be happy and understanding i am tryin my best to be what i can be there r people worst out there again why compare. More then a week keepin things to myself isnt that helpful either n i dont wanna disturb anyone as they got their own problem to take care of so just typin what i feel like. And i dont wanna lose the only one i have, already lost one i cant take it if i am labled orphan. as much as she scolds and nagg i know she loves me too much.. seriously this isnt fair i already lost enough and i am not willing to lose her and stop scoldin me n puttin all the blame on me!
sometime i wish things happen one after another not all at once.
i am not being emo or sad just try being me for once and u will know why am i typin all this shit.
so many things i want it to be mine but it never happens
eventually everyone leaves and is all abt me myself and i that's life
this year so many things happenin and as much i wanna stay strong emotions take over at times. sometime just got to fuck everythin and love is for sure one of that.
i just wanna grow up as soon as possible i wish i can take things very easily but i cant. before any soul out there thinks i am being emo just think of losin your dad when u were young and now losin your mum anytime sonner or later, she just waitin her death and when you think u really fell in love with a person it turns out to be that u were wrong all this while the feelin cannot get any worst so yah.
i know blog goin back to being emo again but i just needed to say it out.
hopin that i feel better but it makes no difference. hahah anyway one thing i learn is never put your emotions before you the entire world can turn against you but at least i know what i seriously wanna do and this is just the begining i am only 17 if i can't face the things happening now life isnt gonna get easier when i am old so yah. somehow all this is makin the person i am now. in the future i believe i would be stronger to face anythin. again i just cant the fact that somethin is gonna happen to my mum other then that i am fine..
hopefully god listens to my prayers and now u guys would know why i suddenly believe in god so much.